subdued

i've actually been pretty normal these days. not too hyper not too low. i don't know if it's a good feeling; i feel subdued. sometimes i wish i could go off medications, they somehow inhibit my creativity and memory. but i know disaster would happen if i did. i wonder if i could be properly cured, yet i appreciate the downs, because with the downs come the highs, and i haven't had any episode of real high since... i don't know, christmas? ever since then i've been riding on the middle line.

i'm not sure what to do. a part of me wants to be normal, but a part of me actually loves me for who i am, despite the highs and lows.