explanation overdue

Maybe I just want to tell a story. Maybe I'd be more comfortable naming this other person some other name, just for the story's sake. Let's call her Cindy. What happened to Cindy on New Year's Eve, some may ask. So here's what really happened.

Cindy wanted to be happy. Cindy desperately wanted to be happy. It was New Year's Eve after a horrible year, and she wanted to be happy. So she locked herself in the room and cried buckets, while thinking of what she could do to be happy. She saw the bottle of lithium lying next to her bed, and thought, "Well, maybe this is a miracle pill." See, you have to forgive Cindy; she can get delusional thanks to the disorder she suffers from. So she took a miracle pill wanting to feel better. When it didn't work, she got frustrated and swallowed more than half the bottle. It hit her quick; she instantly felt woozy and decided to lie down. She went in and out of consciousness, until the door opened and in came her fiance who made her throw up.

The next thing she remembered was when she arrived at the hospital. She could walk again, so she suspected she had vomited most of it anyway. But she stayed anyway, and got her stomach flushed out (which was a horrible experience), and subsequently sent to the psychiatric ward.

Many people thought Cindy tried to kill herself, but in a way, Cindy didn't. Cindy just wanted to feel better, but when she didn't, she thought death was the best way to solve everything. And then she sent messages to some close friends about her intention. Maybe because she didn't really want to die. Maybe she just wanted help. Maybe she just wanted to be understood.

But in the end, the only one who truly understands remains to be her shadow.