an empty shell

For many years, I thought what I had was simply inferiority complex, or low self-esteem. Even when the doctors started naming my condition, I was still in denial. It didn't make it feel any better, knowing what I have.

Let me tell you how time could easily be wasted. I spent 7 months of my life not doing anything. It didn't quite hit me how badly it was until I started realising that American Idol was down to its Top 4 contestants, people around me were starting to move at a desired pace, shows after shows came and went.

I have lost passion for anything. I know it may just be a down phase, but how long this will last I'm not sure. All I know is I don't know how I can ever recover from this condition, how long I will be on medications, or how many more days I have to count from now until the day I am alright again.

Friends around me have conquered their Master's degree, went on to doing their PhD. Some have left the country and came back with greater qualifications and experiences. Some have done great in performances after performances. And I simply have no motivation to do anything. I have not auditioned for anything. I have not shown interest in anything. I've tried candle making, I've tried cooking, I've tried simply watching TV. Nothing intrigues me. Nothing. Zilch.

I am just an empty shell, lonely and depressed. Please tell me this would end somehow.